š Breaking [spicy] old patterns
Intention with relationships, alcohol, socializing, finance, & more
Hola amigos! Happy Monday :) I just got done with my annual social media detox / solo retreat a couple days ago, and itās nice to be back and sharing.
The biggest itch I couldnāt scratch during my ātime away,ā was the urge to message people with insights, findings, learnings, and ideas (as well as ridiculous memesā¦ why do I laugh SO hard at ads with threatening auras?!), which showed me the magnitude by which my joy multiples when shared with others ā big things and little things intellectual, insightful, funny, downright absurd, and everything in between ā and how much thatās a part of my life.
The annual detox is always needed though; I share more below.
Letās dive right in to todayās edition!
What Iām readingā¦
Relationships, breakups, & sex!!
Single On Purpose by John Kim ā same book as last edition, but further insights. For context, the latest chapter I read was titled something along the lines of āNow Go F*ck Somebodyā (now THATāS real self-care adviceā¦ just kidding).
My candid takeaways from the second third of the book are as follows:
āLosing the sparkā - Some couples think ālosing the sparkā with their long-term partner means their relationship is running āstaleā ā when, in actuality, it may simply be stable and healthy love (unlike the instability of their past relationships). A lack of volatility can be mistaken as boring, but is actually a good sign. You can always work with your partner to bring back excitement (just not through drama).
āMoving throughā - Instead of āmoving onā from a breakup, reframe as āmoving throughā to prevent from mindlessly hopping onto the next fling without having grown from the previous. Moving through means working through the hard (and hurt) things, looking inwards to extract learnings, and applying changes to yourself and your future approach; hence breaking old unhealthy patterns.
āExploring sexualityā - Been said plenty, but letās remove judgement from any individualās sexual lifestyle (be it sleep with someone new every week, or celibate until marriage, and everything in between). Intention is what matters. For example, exploring your sexuality, body, and preferences through multiple partners is totally fine. But sleeping with people as a distraction or your only source of validation and self-worth is a toxic and unsustainable pattern. Find the root of your reasons, and stay honest and communicative ā not just with your partner(s), but also to yourself.
Zooming back out, itās cool how different people can read the same book and extract such different insights ā I didnāt reflect on mine ātil typing this all out! As with any book, I recommend your own unbiased read.
What Iām usingā¦
Nudges into better financial habits
Youāve probably heard of Mint as a budgeting tool, but I canāt express how much I adore this app. Hereās how I use itā¦
With money accounts across multiple platforms (TFSA, RRSP, investing, etc. across TD, Manulife, Questrade, and more), Mint consolidates my finances in one place. By linking all my accounts, I can access snapshots of my net worth, cash, credit payments, and more, but most importantly, logs and analyses on my spending transactions to better inform my financial habits. I set very simple monthly budgets, broken down by category, to encourage mindful spending.
Bonus tip: I added the Mint widget to my iPhone home screen, right beside my Travel, Food, Shopping, and Entertainment app folders ā that way, I can glance at my budget before making any new purchases!
Anddd, itās totally free. Yaāllā¦ none of these are sponsored endorsements. Just a gal sharing what she loves.
What Iām ponderingā¦
Chinchillas, vision boards, alcohol
This weekās main āponderingsā sit in my life updates (below), so here are some short, random things crossing my mind otherwise:
How the heck are chinchillas so cute?! My fam and I can look at our little Vinnie nonstop and never get tired of it. Itās hilarious how weāre wired to find certain things excruciatingly adorable.
Vision boards are so powerful, forreal. When in a rut, just a 10-second scroll through my vision board can bring me back to high vibes.
Iāve outgrown alcohol. (Even with the exception of my birthdayā¦ I wish I hadnāt drank that much.) Abstaining from alc in all occasions has been a big āf you!ā to peer pressure; plus, hangovers/negative health effects are not a worthwhile price to pay. There are too many joys outside being drunk. Is this me getting old?
Jotting down my thoughts like so is actually quite fun. As always, write me back on anything in my newsletters; even if just for pics of my chinchilla.
Life updateā¦
A revealing social detox
Every spring, I go on a little detox in solitude. Last year, I took a solo retreat away in North Vancouver, where I spent two days in isolation: daytime in nature and nighttime in a cozy cabin. I even recorded a podcast episode detailing my approach and everything I learned.
Now one year later upon turning 25 (WHATTTTT!), I took a longer but local approach: simply staying off social media for four days, and dedicating time to introspection and reflection.
Being off socials was difficult for me, not because I like to scroll (I donāt), but because of how much I use these platforms to stay connected. As much as weāre used to bouncing thoughts with others, itās equally (if not more!) important to challenge oneself to sit with their thoughts without external influence ā and from that stillness come realizations and changes.
I learned a couple things this time around:
Focus is a superpower. Without the impulse of picking up my phone to reply to messages, I stayed in full focus with my intended work and experienced productivity like no other.
Differentiate passion from distraction (as a serial extrovert). I can always say āI just love talking to and hanging out with people!ā but how much of that might actually deter me from progress in my important goals? As with anything, too much can cause diminishing returns ā and as a serial extrovert, ātwas an inflection point in self-awareness. Just because I can and love to [talk to/see people all the time lol], doesnāt mean I should. Continue killing two birds with one stone (work out with people, work sesh with people, do sports with people, learn skills with people, have intellectually-stimulating conversations with people), but be mindful of when ātime with peopleā becomes hindrance, not acceleration.
Take the driversā seat of your mind. Being alone with my thoughts was uncomfortable ā it can be for anyone. I journaled a lot. Reflected a lot. And was forced to work through my negative thought patterns (self-judgement, self-deprecation, outward criticism, irrational irritation, etc.) and, powerfully, challenge myself to observe my thoughts rather than be defined by them. I was able to break unproductive thought trains by moving to the driversā seat.
Iām feeling renewed. Operating with more clarity. And, as always with personal development endeavours, mind-blown by how much Iāve still yet to grow and learn.
Have a wonderful sunny week!
Yours truly,
Meg